As we wait together outside gate E75 in Toronto’s gleaming airport,I am one of the few non-Chinese ready to board. Seemingly alone, I am free; yet weighted. 

Why have I shredded my existence?

Perhaps that’s a bit harsh. But I never would’ve planned on discarding a majority of my film library. It was like walking into a video store. Those VHS tapes! They will live on in my memories. 

Back to the Future was not relinquished! 

And to give away the perfectly good TV set…

Why give up so many things? Books, clothing by the grocery cart full, my apartment for a reduced price…

…my automatic monthly bill payments, my Trader Joe’s shopping routines, my walks through Central Park, the consistency of NYRR races in New York. 

It was liberating. To quit my job–my preferred term to “resign”–then shred so many weights holding me in place. 

Realizing this time last summer that I was born to roam, shedding weights was necessary.  I had to in order to be able to launch myself out into the world…

…to truly see what the world offers; how others live; to breathe more deeply. 

I did not expect to add more weight in places. Unexpectedly, I stung someone, and got burned by someone else in return. 

The burning continues. And I depart with a heavier heart than I would’ve liked.  
I had to shred my former day to day creature of habit existence. For this, I am free. 

Try it—buy less, give away more. It’s an awesome feeling!

Alas, I depart for this looooong flight to China more free than ever, yet weighted in new ways. 

I insist adamantly on HOPE, trusting the burn will subside.  Life is short–and I will actualize the longing I have felt to be unchained. 

To look forward not only to scheduled vacations–it’s never enough–but, instead, to enter a permanent vacation. 

Shredded, burned & still standing. 

I am alive!